i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
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Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
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Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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