so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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