There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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