Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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