Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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