i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
