Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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