i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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