He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
