nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
