Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
