They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
honey bunches of taint.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
