I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
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i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
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I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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