if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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