I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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