At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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