you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
It's shark week go big or go home
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
