I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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