so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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