Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
