you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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