before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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