That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
