the day after is always just damage control
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
