I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
