Pappa wants mamma naked
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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