so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
