I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
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