My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
