Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
