you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
