I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.