So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard