Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
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I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.