I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.