i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
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Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
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Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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