Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
