sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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