and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
