i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
tonight lets celebrate not being married
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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