I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
