He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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