He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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