its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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