Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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