YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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