Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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