Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
