is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
