I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
