So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
