You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
