One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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