I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
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how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
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Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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