When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
