Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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