Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
