he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
