How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
