I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
