last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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