I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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