Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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