my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
