Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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