Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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