yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Are we in a gay sports bar?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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